Funny quotes you’ll hear from a Caribbean mom

Growing up with a Caribbean mom there are certain phrases and sayings you will learn which will pass on from generation to generation due to their humour, sarcasm and wittiness.  

From childhood to adulthood, you seldom escape the sharp tongue of a Caribbean mother, especially if you’re still occupying a room in her house.  

So here are some funny sayings you’ll hear from a Caribbean mom:  

I had a dream 

Ever got hit this one? From the time you hear this line, just know you’re not getting to leave the house. Let’s explain. This happens when you’re getting ready to go to a party or a lime and from the time you pass in front of your mother on that couch before the door, she lets you know she had a dream, which meant she doesn’t think you should go anywhere in case something bad happens. Maybe she did have a bad dream… maybe she’s making it up to keep you at home, but as teenagers and young adults, this would have left us confused and sitting at home like ‘huh!?’ 

Go and bring the thing  

Maybe our Caribbean mothers used to do this to test us, but that ‘thing’ was never specified, and you better get up and go look for it. 

Don’t even think about asking what is the ‘thing’ because it will be followed by another ‘oh gosh the thing’. In the end most times we would bring the wrong ‘thing’ only for the Caribbean mom to steups and say ‘lemme get it myself.’ 

Let’s hope more Caribbean mothers have made progress in identifying that ‘thing’ for the new generation, because phew, it used to be confusing.  

Anybody ever found the ‘thing’? 

Yuh father is a glassmaker?  

This was definitely a test of intelligence dripping with sarcasm, as it was not meant to actually praise your father for his prowess in being a glassmaker or make you guess his occupation, but this was meant to let you know… little child… that you’re blocking your Caribbean mother from watching the television or you’re blocking her view from a sweet bacchanal.  

In other words, move. Why couldn’t she just tell us that? 

Fix yuh face before I fix it for you  

The confusion some kids had with this one, this quote might actually be a global one. If your Caribbean mother told you this line, especially out in public, you better convert that long sad stretched face or angry look into something more conducive before you see the other side of that woman for your perceived rudeness.  

No matter how angry you were as a child, you had better show your mother some respect with this one.  

Doh get me vex this hour of the day  

This phrase could hit you at any time for anything, you could be simply asking your mother a question and if she don’t like it, ‘Doh get me vex this hour of the day.’ She does not want to hear it at all. 

Is there a particular time of day to get you vexed mom?  

Either way this line was sure to stop a child in their tracks with some confusion and allow just enough time to gain the courage to try again later when mom’s not that angry.  

I wonder when’s a good time to get her vex?  

Stick break in yuh ears? 

You probably would have heard this from your Caribbean mother or grandmother who wanted to know why it’s so hard for you to understand something or listen.  

I is not one ah yuh little friend and dem  

This phrase means you have gone too far child, and you need to have some respect for your mother because while that motherly love is there, don’t come playing the fool around her like you do around your little friends who are in no way on equal footing like her. Watch your tone and your words.  

Where you feel you going?  

As simple as this sounds the context is important. This line was dreaded by many teenagers and young adults (still living under her roof) who already made plans to go out, told their mother about the plans only for her on the very same day to say, “Nah, you never tell me you going anywhere.” 

As long as you were living under her roof, these few words meant you’re not going anywhere this weekend.  

We know you care about us moms and these sarcastic and sometimes hilarious phrases stick with us for life, and we even test them out on our own children who these days don’t even seem bothered by mom’s cut eye.  

These are just some sayings, have you heard any of them from your mother? Do you have any you’d like to share with us?