Dating tips for the modern woman

V-day is right around the corner and with it, comes the dreaded questions surrounding relationships and why you’re still single. Don’t you just hate that? As if all the anxiety-inducing red and diabetes-propelling sweets weren’t enough, here you are being questioned about your relationships or lack thereof. This becomes even more difficult to navigate as a modern woman dating in “modern” society. As someone who has been intentionally single for three years now, this writer has compiled some tips she believes the young and old lasses alike might be interested in knowing or being reminded of: 

 
Do not strain your back carrying conversations 

I get it, you really like this person. They’re cute, they have got a good job and might even be really sweet to you, but talking to them feels like hard hard manual labour. If you find that you’re the only one who drives the conversation or who brings up important questions, it might be time to reassess whether you want to continue feeling the back pain of basically lifting the relationship, or if you want to explore others who might provide you with more ease. Let’s face it, conversations build interest and lacking that can mean a sudden disenchantment from this person once that “new relationship energy” subsides. 

Date within your comfort level 

Opposites attract, but common ground solidifies. So if you know you are a good law-abiding Christian person, do not seek out the wood nymph with values that do not align with you. Trust me, acknowledging differences at the beginning and how it will impact your compatibility can save you both a lot of heartache down the line. Similar value systems and ways of living can help to even out those pesky differences that you might not like, but which you accept.  

Commitment: To be or not to be 

So, let’s say that you have a lot in common with this new love interest, but one or both of you isn’t looking for anything serious at the moment. If you know your heart can’t take the bacchanal of a situationship and its likely flare ups, be honest with both yourself and others from the jump. Being clear of your expectations or lack thereof is not only healthy when it comes to developing and maintaining relationships, it can also be useful in filtering who is for you and who is not. 

“Nice guys” should sometimes finish last 

We’ve all heard the tales of how nice guys always tend to finish last, but have we ever asked the question as to whether that isn’t quite fair and justified? The thing about dating self-proclaimed “nice guys” is often that they are not that nice. They can often come with really regressive ideas about women while seething with resentment. Often enough, they cling to that nice label because they don’t have anything else to offer. Not to mention that they can be incredibly boring. If you’re dating a nice guy, don’t date him because he is nice or treats you well. That is the way you deserve to be treated. Instead you should focus on whether you even like this person, or whether you don’t think you can find more? 

Better safe than sorry  

We live in an interesting time where “bareback” is used as an indication of commitment regardless of if there is a relationship or not. Despite our cultural movement towards unprotected sex, sexually transmitted infections do not care about our rationalisations or pleasure. So if you’re getting frisky with a casual partner whose STI status you do not know, it’s always better to veer on the safe side of utilising condoms and other barrier methods. Why not take it one step further and get tested with your partner if you’re interested in feeling that skin to skin contact? 

Place value where it matters 

Sure, you might want to be booed up with the hot person everyone is after, and that’s a valid want. If however, this person does not offer you value in the areas that matter to you, whether that be consistency and effort, or simply doing what they say they’re going to do, you might be better off going Stag. Our society has placed a negative value on single women that is centred on a lot of patriarchal drivel. As you navigate this V-Day, if you’re sad about being alone, that’s understandable but don’t sit in that. Studies have shown that single women are the happiest demographic. Life is good when nobody stressing yuh out eh.